Wednesday, September 24, 2008

moving on

i cannot thank enough all the people who showed support, encouragement and love during our trying time. the messages we received immensely helped us go through this heart wrenching experience, and we pray that you all be blessed a hundredfold with your benevolence. it’s been only days after our loss, and now i feel i’m almost over it. i could only surmise that it’s because of the outpour of encouraging words and kindness we received. we felt we were not alone.

i thank God for giving me a busy week to start with. we heard Sunday mass with my cousin and her hubby, and they also spent two nights with us so at least we had some company. it helped veer my attention away from sadness. work was not so busy since Ramadan is coming to a close, but i chose to keep coming to work and refrained from taking a few days off. i’d rather see other people around me than sulk alone in our apartment – that would drive me insane!

i’m helping myself forget. keeping strong for me starts from the inside…willing your mind and body to focus on other things, and trying to think of other pleasant idiosyncrasies in life. as i’ve said, i’ve cried my heart out already. there’s no sense dwelling on something i cannot do anything about anymore. i’ve prayed for serenity, and the Lord gave me that.

last night i prepared one of my favorite dishes for our packed lunch today. i thought i should go back to cooking. tonight, i’ll whip up another home cooked meal, and have a decent supper with hubby that’s served with extra love. oh, and i’ve gone back to reading, too! i’m trying to finish one novel after the other, and it’s keeping my imagination alive once more.

i have a few projects in mind that i’d like me & the husband to do to keep us busy, especially now that Eid Al Fitr 4-day holiday is just a few days away as no travel plan is set at the moment:

- declutter & redecorate
- organize old clothes, shoes & books to be sent to charity
- do a general cleaning of the apartment
- create hand-made cards, as inspired by the ones
Weng sent me a few months back

i’ve also resolved to keep this blog updated as much as possible as writing proved to be a good form of therapy for me.

for now, i can see that i’m close to being back to my normal self. i hear myself laugh again when surrounded with friends, and i don’t find it that difficult to sleep anymore. when i’m with Ryan, all i could think of is heartfelt gratitude to the heavens for giving me a husband that envelopes me with so much love.

yes, it’s time to move on. and it should begin with no one else but me.

4 comments:

Pat said...

good for you, gracie. :)

tracypamela said...

That's the spirit! I'm glad you have moved on and keeping yourself busy. Set aside mo muna all the baby planning and concentrate on yourself and hubby for the meantime. Before you know it, buntis ka na din!! :)

Eper said...

I know how you feel. I, too, have had a miscarriage. I pray that you and your husband will be blessed with a baby soon :)

Gracie said...

@ pat - thanks dear! still working on it.

@ tracy - thank you! i guess i'll have to take things easy muna nga.

@ eper - thanks for the visit & for the prayers :)